Adda B Say So:Note To Self
By Fatima Zahra Umar
Every once in a while, we all hit a rough patch in life, when everything seems to be falling apart and we feel lost and confused. Over the years, we all learn how to weather the storms in our lives. Some of us are lucky, blessed with the ability to adapt to the ever changing weather patterns of life. Some of us are not so lucky and a single momentary storm will completely change our lives. Some of us don’t know how to adapt. Some of us have no idea how to process pain. Some of us have no ability to detach from the emotions and think clearly. Some of us can only panic. Some of us have no tools to help us deal with the damage that a storm may cause. Some of us prefer to hide and pray that it goes away. Some of us just prefer to give up.
I have had my own fair share of pain. I have endured my own generous portion of betrayal from even some of my nearest and dearest. I have also had a huge helping of disappointment from people I least expected it from. I have tasted the envy and the jealousy. Just like everybody else I have had to live through the storms of life to learn my lessons.
At the end of the day, I am very grateful for these experiences because they all made me grow into a better person. I mean I cannot imagine the kind of person I would have become if my brother Mahmud did not steal my meat (at every single meal) when we were children. His oppressive theft taught me that one must always be more generous with protein. Thank God he hates Ribena!
But that is a story for another day.
I want to share with you, my beloved sisters, the reminders and lessons that have seen me through some of my challenges. These reminders have helped keep my head and dignity intact despite the pain and provocation:
The most important lesson I have learnt is you must BE PATIENT. I cannot stress this enough. Be patient enough to learn the lesson so that it will benefit you immensely tomorrow. Be patient enough to delay judgement before you react to a situation. Be patient enough to calm down first before taking any decision. Be patient enough to not say anything until you learn all the facts, until you consider all possible scenarios and explanations. I know this is easier said than done but trust me, if you do this enough times it eventually becomes your default reaction. Not to mention it’s totally worth it and saves you the embarrassment of over reacting.
BUT sometimes the small voice in your mind will say to you: YOUR MUMU DON DO! Usually the voice will be right about this. This voice will usually activate when you are being taken for granted or you are being fooled. Listen to your inner voice. BUT be pragmatic not emotional in listening to that important voice. Sometimes you have to FIGHT BACK and refuse to give up. You MUST refuse to be DEFEATED because life is beating you up. Pick yourself up, fight back with everything you have. Refuse to allow one event define you and the rest of your life!
Like the old saying goes, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. It worked for Beyoncé it will work for you. Amen.
However, you MUST live your reality wherever and however you find yourself. You have to EMBRACE your reality and accept it. The truth is that you can only grow through an experience if you embrace and accept it. Denial is your greatest enemy, because it will weaken you and deceive you into underestimating the true situation of things. Accepting the truth is the best choice you have. Living and embracing the truth is the ultimate solution most times.
Change is INEVITABLE. It is the only constant thing in life! Accept this and free your mind from the torture of what could/should have been. Save yourself the pain of remembering a past that will not come back. Embrace the change and adapt accordingly.
STOP explaining things to everyone. Stop, just stop. You don’t really owe anyone an explanation. Most people just want to hear from you so they can use you for gossip and entertainment. DON’T give them the satisfaction. Have close dependable persons you can vent to or confide in. DON’T broadcast your problems because people don’t care about you, your struggle is just hot gist to them. Again don’t explain yourself to everyone. If you have good friends they will stand by you. If you have good enemies they will never believe you. So what is the point?
If all else fails, you can sip chilled Ribena to replenish your Inner Peace….Because Adda B say SO!
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