Cruising Single:The Single Married One
By Fateemah Abubakar and Fatima Zahra Umar
I met Aliyu in the days that the sparks of BBM could light up Kano city. The days when people didn’t bother to ask for phone numbers, just pins, so if you didn’t have one, sorry o! But no one was really feeling anything else. Tall, suave and masculine. Oh Aliyu was a handsome chap, his voice was thunderous, could make one shiver like Mufasa made the hyenas in The Lion King!
All of this, and something was amiss, I couldn’t place a finger on it, but even as the friends we started off as, I felt like there was a problem somewhere. Something about him just did not add up.
Aliyu and I were the most unusual couple, we hardly ever saw each other, I intentionally made sure of that because I was not quite comfortable with him. He’d call and nag about how my nonchalance was ruining our relationship, about how he felt most times like he was in love alone. Somehow, I always managed to reassure him. I didn’t know why I had to, but I did, always without fail, be the good girlfriend for a few days and then slide right back to my old ways. He suffocated me and I needed to breathe, so I ignored him most of the time. Aliyu’s devotion and patience never waned. I found it odd! How he kept up with me and my apparent lack of interest still amazes me. Then when he started talking about marriage regularly, I was convinced this man had a plan. To ‘do me back’! All my iya shege! No, I’m not falling for this mighty devil’s trap; God won’t allow it because I serve a miracle working God! Amen
I tried to placate Aliyu by telling him that being in love and getting married could not be done over a phone conversation, and that I would be attending a wedding in Kaduna in two weeks. Aliyu was pleased! We hadn’t seen in over a year! He just couldn’t wait for his ‘baby’ to come over. Yes, I did come to Kaduna and things took a turn for good, or bad??? Ehen they sha took turns!
Aliyu was all over me in Kaduna. Suffocating me as usual and I couldn’t hide my annoyance! A few friends said it was unfair to be unfair; “he loves you a lot”, “ba kyau wulakanta mutum fa”, they all said. We went out at night and hung out for hours, late, until about 11pm when he took me home. I noticed that his phone kept vibrating, and he kept ignoring it and playing oblivious. I was a good person to ignore, Ina ruwa Na! After all wetin consign fish with umbrella???
That night, I also realised that despite liking men with defined physiques, Aliyu’s size annoyed me. He was two times taller, my head barely made it to his chest, he was just big! Like that annoying giant teddy bear that they sell during valentine season… I didn’t rest that night, my friends lectured about how nemesis and regret would catch up with me if I didn’t start treating Aliyu with the gentle care that a catch like him deserved. All this English because a night before we went out I made him wait an hour in the night before meeting him, then I didn’t deserve his kind of ‘love’…
Listen ladies, if he will complain about waiting for you in the dark, he is not your man! Now back to the story…
The next morning, I was more than glad that the call that woke me up did so and I wasn’t alone! I needed someone to help me hear the nonsense. The shenanigans of Aliyu, unravelled with every minute… A female voice hit my ear drums! I could hear her exasperation under the soft tone she tried to maintain. Madam Wife began the long talk about talking to me ‘woman to woman’. Madam, wetin dey shele? Talk already! Long story short, she was Aliyu’s wife, and at the time, they’d been married for two years with a daughter! Apparently oga Aliyu had led her to believe I was the one stalking and chasing him to love me!
Me? With all my shakara for this man?
Aliyu was determined to die with his lie! I heard him in the background saying “bana na son ta, ki tambaye ta”(I don’t love her, she knows it). I had a good laugh. I burst into a bigger one when I heard her scold him like he was some insolent child:”shut up”.
I felt sorry for her, God knows I did. I couldn’t imagine what she was going through. I didn’t have a cheating husband, though at the time, I was a cheating girlfriend; I had met and fallen in love with someone after I met Aliyu. I said a lot to her, to mollify her, and told her to stay away from her husband’s phone if she wanted to maintain her sanity. She said “ina son shi, ina masifar son shi”(I am crazy in love with him) and she started crying. I could hear the pain and helplessness in her voice as she wept over the phone. Poor Madam Wife! I comforted her. Madam Wife was begging me to leave her husband alone or she would die of heartbreak; she asked that we keep in touch! I said okay, knowing that I was going to block her number.
I did tell you I serve a Living God!
Aliyu shamelessly called me two weeks after Madam Wife saying: “bana son ta fa, auren dole ne, na kasa gaya miki ne saboda ke nake so, you’re my type”(I do not love her, I was forced to marry her and I have been thinking of how to let you know). Thunder fire you there!!! He even had the guts to blame me for having his phone smashed by his wife. “Aliyu you are even lucky it’s not your spine she smashed!” I snapped. Hung up and moved on with my life. I got the wife’s message from another number saying she couldn’t reach me, I blocked it again, it is not this kind of wahala I need in my life!
Nonsense and Ingredients
It’s been three years since Madam Wife happened, but to this day, he still sends me messages reaffirming love o…you people should help me! Last week, I asked him, “Aliyu kai maye ne? ka rabu dani dan Allah!”
Which translates to you be winch? Dem send you message? Please you people should beg him on my behalf.
Jump and pass, I’m not doing!