How To Be The ‘Perfect’ Female Co-Worker In Nigeria
SATIRE! SATIRE!! SATIRE!!!
1. Make hot tea for everybody the moment you get to work.
What else do you think you are there for?
2. You must greet all the men in the office before you sit down.
Go into all their offices and kneel down. They don’t have to greet you back though.
3. Regardless of what they hired you to do, you are sha the office secretary.
Take all the messages for your co-workers. They shouldn’t even have to ask you.
4. Make sure your car is not bigger than any of your male co-workers’ cars.
You don’t want to intimidate them at all.
5. If you’re not a “Mrs” keep your opinions to yourself.
You’re single? Why are you now talking.
6. When your male co-worker cracks a sexist joke, laugh the loudest.
The misogyny should not pain you.
7. If your co-worker makes a mistake keep quiet, because he has your type at home.
Why are you correcting a man? Will you keep kwayet.
8. When your co-workers are buying lunch, keep quiet because you should have cooked from home.
You’re even supposed to cook for the whole office.
9. If for any reason you could not cook for lunch, wait for all your co-workers to come back before you sneak out.
It is un-womanly to buy food, so hide your shame well.
10. If your co-workers start giving you unsolicited advice, take it with a smile.
Marriage advice? Hair advice? Dress advice? Just smile and listen.
11. Make sure your heels are not higher than anyone else’s in the office.
You’re not there for fashion show. The uglier the better.
12. If you’re not married, don’t leave work early. Where do you know you’re going?
Who are you going home to see? Sit down there jor.
13. Make sure all the men have finished talking during the office meeting before you put your mouth.
If not, just wait patiently.
14. When your co-worker starts touching you inappropriately, apologize, it was probably what you wore that caused it.
Your skirt must have been too tight. Don’t do it again.
15. Remember that as long as you’re a spinster, your age doesn’t matter, your colleagues can call you a “girl”.
If you want to officially be a “woman” go and marry oh.